Goofs
by Whip-Owl
Summary: The warrior cats start to act out Lord of Rings. But they keep getting side tracked.
1. Chapter 1

Fellowship

(Disclaimer: I don't own warriors or lord of the rings. Though wouldn't it be cool to? Anyway, I was trying to make this funny, but my humor attempts usually fall flat. So, if it's not funny, you can tell me, but don't crush my fragile ego doing so. Oh yeah, and I had help on deciding who would play the hobbits.)

Elrond-Thunderstar

Gandalf-Firestar

Aragorn-Brambleclaw

Borimer-Ashfur

Legolas-Graystripe

Gimli-Lionblaze

Frodo-Hollyleaf

Sam-Feathertail

Pippin-Stormfur

Merry-Squirrelflight

"The ring must be tossed into the fiery cassams of mount doom." Thunderstar was saying. "One of you must do this." There was a stony silence. "Well don't everyone volunteer at once."

"I've got an idea. Why don't you do it?" Ashfur asked.

"Wait what?" Thunderstar said.

"Sounds good to me." Lionblaze added. "You want us to go risk our life and limb, but not you."

"Hey! I'm leading the elves here!"

"Whatever elves are." Ashfur whispered to Brambleclaw. Bramblecalw shrugged.

"Yes and there are _so _many elves left here." Lionblaze continued sarcastically.

"Forget it! I am not doing it! It must be one of you!"

"But one does not simply walk into Mordor!" Ashfur protested.

"I'd do it." Lionblaze said.

The others ignored him. "Oh then fly there." Firestar suggested.

"Do _you_ know how to fly?" Ashfur asked.

Firestar opened his mouth, then closed it. He sighed. "I suppose not."

They all looked at each other and another awkward silence started up. "Well, what does the script say we do next?" Thunderstar asked.

Brambleclaw took the script out. "It says we're supposed to argue."

"Well we've already done that." Lionblaze pointed out.

"Alright, alright." Brambleclaw looked further down the script. "It says, Frodo volunteers to take the ring."

"Wait, what?" Hollyleaf asked.

At the same time Lionblaze groaned, "Ah, why does he get to do it? Hollyleaf is a girl anyway."

"We were running out of male characters." Graystripe whispered.

"Yeah. There are like, no females in this story." Firestar said.

"Until we get Brambleclaw's girlfriend." Graystripe reminded them.

Brambleclaw meanwhile, was still reading through the script. "Oh, it also says we're all supposed to join him. Except Elrond."

"Ha!" Thunderstar shouted, jumping up. "In your face!"

Lionblaze mad the co-co sign with his paw. "Alright! Off to Mordor!" Firestar said brightly.

"Hey! You forgot about me!" Feathertail said.

"We didn't forget, I just didn't get that far in the script yet." Brambleclaw told him.

"Well, I think that's everyone now." Firestar said. "Can we go now?"

"No!" two cats shouted. Stormfur and Squirrelflight came out.

"Wow, we really are running out of toms." Feathertail muttered.

"We're coming too." Squirrelflight said.

"_Now _we can go to Mordor." Stormfur added.

"Yeah!" Firestar cheered. "Let's go."

"Why do you want to go so much anyway?" Hollyleaf asked.

"Because I'm a wizard, and I'm awesome. Also, I don't even make it all the way to Mordor."

"Wait, what?" Hollyleaf gave him a look of death.

"Let's just go." He said. So the cats took off.

* * *

"I feel like we're missing some parts of the story." Squirrelflight whispered to Stormfur.

"Well, Lord of the Rings is a long story. And we have short chapters to work with here." They kept walking.

* * *

Firestar watched as the balrog fell. "He's good." Stormfur whispered.

Firestar turned around, then the balrog hit him with his whip and Firestar fell off. "No!" Hollyleaf tried to go after him, but Brambleclaw pinned her down.

"Don't! He has nine lives remember?" Brambleclaw reminded her.

Hollyleaf stopped struggling. "Oh yeah. . ."

Arrows were fired by the goblins on the other side. "But we don't." Graystripe added, jumping back to avoid the arrows.

"Well then what are we waiting for? Let's move before we all get killed!" Ashfur shouted.

They all ran out.

(Fixed balrog.)


	2. Two Towers

Two Towers

(Yes, I know the Eye and Sauron are the same person. Actually, I don't know that, I think it; the villain thing is really confusing in Lord of the Rings. But this makes it funnier, I think.)

Firestar-Gandalf

Aragorn-Brambleclaw

Legolas-Graystripe

Gimli-Lionblaze

The Eye-Scourge

Sauron-Tigerstar

Saruman-Sol

"Show yourself!" Brambleclaw shouted. Firestar came into view. Brambleclaw, Graystripe, and Lionblaze all looked at him in shock. "Impossible." Brambleclaw gasped. "You fell. You should be dead."

"Don't be ridiculous, I have nine lives remember?" he reminded them.

That got an 'oh' from Brambleclaw and Lionblaze. Kind of awkward considering they'd remembered earlier. Graystripe meanwhile, bowed. "Forgive me. I thought you were Saruman."

"I am Saruman." Firestar replied.

"Oh. Well then in that case. . ." Lionblaze reached for his ax, which was amazingly hard to pick up as a cat.

Firestar ignored him, but continued to elaborate. "Or rather, Saruman as he should have been."

"Oh." Lionblaze said again. He set his ax back down. "Well make up your mind." He muttered under his breathe.

This time Firestar responded. "Well pick that up. We have to go."

"Go?" Lionblaze asked. "We've _been _going. And we found you and know the hobbits are safe. Where else is there to go to?"

"And this is the guy who wanted to walk into Mordor." Brambleclaw pointed out.

"Yeah well, that was walking. We've been running."

Brambleclaw face palmed. Graystripe meanwhile said, "Well you know what Borimir would say." At Lionblaze's blank expression he and Brambleclaw continued, "One does not simply walk into Mordor."

Firestar meanwhile, answered Lionblaze's 'go to' question. "There's to be a battle soon. We have to go help." He strode off.

* * *

Scourge spun his fire eye around. It was exceedingly boring. "Well this sucks." He summed up.

"I don't know, I'm rather enjoying it." Tigerstar commented from on top of his dragon. At least, they both thought it was a dragon.

"I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE!" Scourge shouted, his eye flaring up. That really helped express his point.

Tigerstar dropped a little lower on his dragon. "I-I think I'm just going to check on how Saruman's doing now." He said.

"Right you do that." Scourge told him. He flew off. "And I guess I'll. . ." he sighed. "I guess I'll go stare at Gondor." _Not that I'm going anywhere. _He thought. _But hey, the views not bad. And I think my army's winning._

Tigerstar meanwhile peered into his crystal ball. Sol was sitting in his giant black chair, in his giant black room. Tigerstar rolled his eyes. That guy was _ssooo _predictable. "Saruman!" he shouted.

Sol fell right out of his chair, which was so big it was no small fall. He jumped up in front of his own crystal ball. "Yes Saruan!"

"How's the attack on Helm's Deep going?" he asked.

"Great." Sol lied. _It's going completely great, _he thought sarcastically,_ except my army of over 10,000 orcs is being beaten by a couple of men and elves. And oh look; now the orcs are all running into the trees and the trees are killing them. And speaking of trees, there are a bunch of them destroying my orc camp and chucking rocks at my awesome tower. But aside from that everything is just spiffy!_

(It's funny how this chapter is shorter than the first, but it covers more.)


	3. Return of the King

Return of the King

(You would not believe what a hard time I had with this one. And look up Gandalf Style and you'll find out what Firestar was signing.)

Firestar-Gandalf

Bluestar-Eowyn

Stormfur-Pippin

Hollyleaf-Frodo

Feathertail-Sam

Hawkfrost-Golum

Tigerstar-Sauron

Firestar and Stormfur went flying across the ground, riding Firstar's horse. Stormfur yawned. "How far is Gondor again?" he asked.

"Three days."

Stormfur groaned. "This is so boring." He complained.

"Well, I can entertain you if you like." Firestar offered.

Stormfur looked at him in surprise. "Really? How?"

Some strange music started up. "I have a long gray beard. Keep it secret keep it safe." Firestar sang. "I have a long gray beard. Keep it secret keep it safe."

"I've been entertained enough. You really don't have to continue." Stormfur told him.

Firestar seemed to be in a particularly crazy mood though. He carried on anyway. "Hey, where's my hobbit? Wiz, wiz, wizard Gandalf style." He began dancing a little.

This made Stormfur, who had been using Firestar for support, slide off the horse. "Whoa!" Firestar grabbed him and put him back up. "Sorry about that. Dancing was a bad idea."

Stormfur nodded, feeling too dazed to do anything else.

* * *

"No man can defeat me." Tigerstar told the cat he was fighting. He was feeling rather happy with how things were going.

"I am no man!" the cat yelled.

_Wait what? _Tigerstar wondered in confusion. _I thought there were no females in this-_

Bluestar swiped her claw through him, killing him. "Yeah! Ha!" she shouted. "This story says girls can't fight? Well I beat Sauron! I rock!" she started to dance. "I rock! I rock! I rock!" that was when the poison took affect and she fell to the ground.

* * *

Hollyleaf and Feathertail meanwhile, were walking up the mountain, to toss a ring into a volcano. That was when Hawkfrost jumped into view on a rock above them. "Hello hobbitses."

"Ga! I thought you were dead." Feathertail yelled.

"We don't die easy do we precious? That's just what fat stupid hobbitses would think."

Hollyleaf made a face. "You know, no one understands what you're saying."

"But . . . but. . ." Hawkfrost seemed to be having trouble coming up with an argument. "We are supposed to talk like that precious."

"Let's just ditch him and carry on with our quest." Feathertail whispered.

Hollyleaf nodded. "Good idea."

The two started walking off, but that was when Hawkfrost saw the ring. "Precious!" he shouted, and launched himself onto Hollyleaf.

Hollyleaf and Hawkfrost fought, rolling along the mountain side. Feathertail grabbed a rock and chucked it at Hawkfrost's head. That got him off; unfortunately he'd taken the ring with him. "Haha! My precious! We wins!" then he ran off, going right into the volcano.

"Well why would he do that?" Feathertail asked.

"Probably just some needed part of the plot." Hollyleaf replied.

"Needed? No way it's needed! This plot never ends!" Feathertail cried.

Hollyleaf gave her a look. "Let's just go." She said.

"Right. Sorry."

They chased Hawkfrost into the volcano. Hollyleaf launched herself onto him and knocked him in.

"Ha! We wins!" Feathertail shouted, impersonating Hawkfrost.

Hollyleaf gave her a look again.

(I was considering adding a bit of the endings, but I was getting lazy. I might come back and do it at some point. And sorry, this chapter was probably the least amusing of the bunch.


End file.
